THE INANE RAMBLINGS FROM UP NORFF
‘NOWT SO QUEER AS YORKSHIRE FOLK’
BY KAREN BROWNE
The Views Expressed Are Solely My Own, Are Written Tongue In Cheek
And Should Be Taken With A Pinch Of Salt
On a wonderful sunny autumnal afternoon it was on with the flat cap and off to the ferret races “On Ilkla Moor Baht ‘at“. Back in the land of the SSML I understand moisture was in the air in fact one game had to be postponed due to the weather conditions and this on a 3G pitch (whoever said the way forward was plastic).
Biggleswade FC made it nine wins from their last nine league games while for Tring Athletic it is seven from seven. Stotfold remain winless in the league since May 2018, while Codicote have to go back further, April 2018, since their last league win. The 31 games seeing 122 goals (an average of 3.93 per game). Ashton Campbell (Tring Athletic), Alex Marsh (Biggleswade FC), Lee Armitt (North Greenford United FC), Harry Dalton (Winslow United), Luri Duarte (Berkhamsted Raiders) and Jamie Felts (Kempston Rovers Development) all weighed in with hat-tricks.
6 October Stats: 31 games played of which 16 were home wins, 13 were away wins and 2 draws.
0% league records to date: Clean Slate and Stotfold U25.
(Most League Wins – all Divisions): 10 Biggleswade FC, 9 Tring Athletic, 7 Bovingdon, Harefield United, Broadfields United, Hillingdon Borough, Enfield Borough.
(Most League Draws – all Divisions): 5 Leighton Town, 3 Colney Heath, Edgware Town, Cockfosters, Wembley, Stotfold, London Lions.
(Most League Defeats – all Divisions): 9 Hatfield Town, 8 Codicote, 7 Park View.
(Premier Division League): Tring Athletic.
(Division One League): Wodson Park, Harefield United, Broadfields United.
(Division Two League): Bovingdon.
(U25 Development Division League): Berkhamsted Development.
Without a Win:
(Premier Division League): Stotfold,
(Division One League): Codicote.
(Division Two League): Clean Slate.
(U25 Development Division League): Stotfold U25.
Most Goals Scored:
(Premier Division League): 35 Biggleswade FC.
(Division One League): 41 Enfield Borough.
(Division Two League): 30 Bovingdon.
(U25 Development Division League): 17 Kempston Rovers Development.
Most Goals Conceded:
(Premier Division League): 27 Oxhey Jets.
(Division One League): 39 Hatfield Town.
(Division Two League): 30 Clean Slate.
(U25 Development Division League): 18 Stotfold U25
Fewest Goals Conceded:
(Premier Division League): 7 Leverstock Green.
(Division One League): 7 Harefield United, Wodson Park.
(Division Two League): 5 Old Bradwell United.
(U25 Development Division League): 2 Holmer Green Development U25.
Fewest Goals Scored:
(Premier Division League): 3 Stotfold.
(Division One League): 11 Langford, Codicote.
(Division Two League): 4 Clean Slate.
(U25 Development Division League): 3 Holmer Green Development U25.
Saturday’s Highest Attendances: 87 Biggleswade FC v Edgware Town, 85 Arlesey Town v Tring Athletic and 77 Buckingham Athletic v Buckingham Town & Risborough Rangers v Aston Clinton.
Season’s Highest Attendances to date (Premier Division Clubs): 211 Baldock Town v Arlesey Town, 203 Biggleswade FC v Biggleswade United and 202 Tring Athletic v Berkhamsted (FA Cup).
Season’s Highest Attendances to date (Division One Clubs): 351 Winslow United v Easington Sports (FA Cup), 257 Harefield United v Winslow United and 177 Buckingham Athletic v Winslow United.
Season’s Highest Attendances to date (Division Two Clubs): 101 Aston Clinton v Pitstone & Ivinghoe, 92 Bovingdon v Old Bradwell United and 90 Bovingdon v Sarratt.
Season’s Leading Goalscorers to date (Premier Division Clubs): 15 Jonathan Lacey (Leverstock Green) 11 Ashton Campbell (Tring Athletic) 10 Tom Coles (Biggleswade FC), Spencer Clarke-Mardel (Colney Heath) and Alex Marsh (Biggleswade FC).
Season’s Leading Goalscorers to date (Division One Clubs): 15 Tage Kennedy (Enfield Borough) 12 Leonard Farhall (Harefield United), Marcus Greenidge (Hillingdon Borough).
Season’s Leading Goalscorers to date (Division Two Clubs): 15 Nathan Skelton (Mursley United) 10 Luke Little (Unite MK) 9 Albie Hall (Pitstone & Ivinghoe).
Saturday 6th October
It was third v second at New Lamb Meadow as Arlesey Town slipped to a 1-3 defeat against visiting Tring Athletic, the defeat leaves Arlesey Town ten points adrift of their Hertfordshire opponents in the chase for the title. Leaders Biggleswade FC maintained their one point lead over Tring with a solid 3-0 home win over Edgware Town. No change at the bottom as both Wembley and Stotfold failed to win. The former did pick up a useful point from their home game with Leighton Town while the latter were beaten at home by North Greenford United FC. The ‘Colney Derby’ was won 4-2 by hosts Colney Heath to move into fourth place while Crawley Green move up to fifth following a 2-1 home win over Harpenden Town. Leverstock Green were the Division’s top scorers with a 6-0 win at Pancake Lane against visiting Oxhey Jets. For Leverstock it was their best league result since defeating Hadley 8-1 back in October 2016. For Jets it was the second Saturday running they leaked in six goals. Full results and goalscorers (where known) are listed below.
1-3 Arlesey Town v Tring Athletic (Fuller [pen]) / (Campbell ) Attendance: 85
3-0 Biggleswade FC v Edgware Town (A Marsh  [1 pen]) Attendance: 87
0-2 Cockfosters v Baldock Town (A Barker ) Attendance: 45
4-2 Colney Heath v London Colney (Scott , Clarke-Mardel, Newton) / (Maxwell, Beevor) Attendance: 68
2-1 Crawley Green v Harpenden Town (Watson ) / (McClelland) Attendance: 51
2-1 Hadley v Biggleswade United (Camara ) / (Parkinson) Attendance: 22
6-0 Leverstock Green v Oxhey Jets (Lacey , Blunden, Condon, Smith, Witham) Attendance: 38
1-3 London Tigers v Potton United (Unknown) / (Burnside , Webb [pen]) Attendance: Unknown
1-5 Stotfold v North Greenford United FC (Roache) / (Armitt , McLeish ) Attendance: 35
1-1 Wembley v Leighton Town (Unknown) / (Dentice) Attendance: 43
Leaders Harefield United remain at the top following a 3-2 home win over fellow title chasers FC Broxbourne Borough at Preston Park. Broadfields United, tenants at Preston Park, moved into second place with a 3-1 win at Ampthill Town while in another clash of top six saw Hillingdon Borough win 5-1 at Enfield Borough. At the other end of the table the bottom two Codicote and Hatfield Town suffered home defeats to Bedford and Park View respectively. Full results and goalscorers (where known) are listed below.
1-2 Amersham Town v London Lions (Parratt) / (Unknown) Attendance: 34
1-3 Ampthill Town v Broadfields United (Cerminara) / (Mfinda, Henley, Gardner) Attendance: 40
1-3 Codicote v Bedford (Unknown) / (Fisher, McGrath, Cullen) Attendance: 35
1-5 Enfield Borough v Hillingdon Borough (Opoku) / (Ballaid, Fredericks, Peter, Unknown, Unknown) Attendance: 22
3-2 Harefield United v FC Broxbourne Borough (Shaw, Willis, Opponent Own Goal) / (Fitzgerald ) Attendance: 40
1-4 Hatfield Town v Park View (Unknown) / (Gyimah, Opoku-Domfeh, Botchey, Klosi) Attendance: 22
3-0 Langford v Brimsdown (Worbey , Osborne) Attendance: 18
BERKS & BUCKS SENIOR TROPHY Second Round
Division Two side Aston Clinton provided one of the shocks of the day as they won 2-0 at Division One side Risborough Rangers watched by a healthy crowd of 77. It was an identical attendance for the ‘Buckingham Derby’ as Athletic overcame visiting Town by the odd goal in three. Another all SSML tie saw Old Bradwell United progress into the next round with a 3-0 home win over MK Gallacticos. Winslow United hit seven against North Bucks League side Great Horwood to move into the Third Round while Grendon Rangers exited the competition following a 1-2 home defeat against Hanslope. Full results and goalscorers (where known) listed below.
2-1 Buckingham Athletic v Buckingham Town (Carter ) / (Bearman) Attendance: 77
1-7 Great Horwood v Winslow United (Unknown) / (Dalton , King [2, Unknown, Unknown) Attendance: Unknown
1-2 Grendon Rangers v Hanslope (Ginger) / (Unknown) Attendance: 23
3-0 Old Bradwell United v MK Gallacticos (Deria, Green, Collins) Attendance: 22
0-2 Risborough Rangers v Aston Clinton (Mason-Williams, Mealor) Attendance: 77
Unite MK followed up last weekend’s record win with another impressive performance, this time a 4-1 home win over The 61FC (Luton) to move into fifth place in the table. The day’s other league action saw Mursley United and Pitstone & Ivinghoe battle out a goalless draw. Full results and goalscorers listed below.
0-0 Mursley United v Pitstone & Ivinghoe Attendance: 45
4-1 Unite MK FC v The 61FC (Luton) (Little [2, Ainsley, Braham) / (Gouldbourne) Attendance: 15
HERTS SENIOR CENTENARY TROPHY First Round
A hat-trick from Luri Duarte was the difference between the sides as Berkhamsted Raiders saw off Herts County League Premier Division side Sandridge Rovers. Elsewhere it was SSML 0 Herts County League 2 as both Tring Corinthians AFC and Sarratt suffered away defeats, Tring soundly thrashed 1-9 at Bushey Sports Club where a couple of ex SSML players, Adem Ali and Bilal Butt both scored hat-tricks. While Sarratt were beaten 1-3 at Cuffley. Full results and goalscorers (where known) listed below.
3-0 Berkhamsted Raiders v Sandridge Rovers (Duarte ) Attendance: 35
9-1 Bushey Sports Club v Tring Corinthians AFC (Ali , Butt , Wallace, Muhemba, Ogboro) / (Unknown) Attendance: Unknown
3-1 Cuffley v Sarratt (Unknown) / (Loakes) Attendance: Unknown
UNDER 25 DEVELOPMENT DIVISION
New table toppers as Berkhamsted Development replaced Buckingham Athletic Development at the summit, Berkhamsted winning by the odd goal in three at Biggleswade United U23 and thus maintaining their unbeaten record. Buckingham tasting defeat for the first time when beaten 0-3 at Kempston Rovers Development. Life continues to be an uphill struggle for Stotfold U25, the bottom side losing 0-2 at AFC Dunstable U21 making it five defeats from five for the visitors. The day’s other league fixture saw Harpenden Town Development record a 3-1 home success against Leighton Town Development. Full results and goalscorers listed below.
2-0 AFC Dunstable U21 v Stotfold U25 (Fullerton, Nottage) Attendance: 10
1-2 Biggleswade United U23 v Berkhamsted Development (Spavins) / (Stevens, Kelly) Attendance: Unknown
3-1 Harpenden Town Development v Leighton Town Development (Champkins-Drein, Fonseca, Tizard / (McGlinchey) Attendance: Unknown
3-0 Kempston Rovers Development v Buckingham Athletic Development (Felts ) Attendance: 20
Taking advantage of the sun I grabbed my board and headed to the tinternet for a spot of surfing. This one caught my eye this week.
As with most football clubs the Hitchin Town players run a fines system amongst themselves with the money collected being used to help to subsidise their end of season tour.
No flip flops – £2 per flip flop.
No towel – £2.
No shower – £2.
No cakes when it is your birthday -£10.
Worst trainer -£5.
Nutmegged in training or a match – £2.
Giving away a penalty – £5.
Scoring an own goal – £5.
Missing a game -£20 no excuses will be accepted.
Late to training -£5 with an increase of £5 every 10 minutes.
Losing by more than 3 goals in training -£2 per player.
Late to a game -£10 with an increase of £5 every 10 minutes.
Using phones after 13.30pm/18.30pm on match days -£5.
No tracksuit -£5 -must be worn into changing room.
Missing on curry night /after training pizza -£5.
Missing on a team night out -£40.
Worst dressed on a team night out as voted by the whole team -£10.
Leaving home games before 17.30pm -£5.
Not travelling on the coach to away games -£10 and £5 for not returning on the coach.
Arguing with the fines committee about fines or how they are doing their job -£4.
Caught going ‘’out’’ the night before a game -£20.
No shower gel -£2.
Dirty boots -£2.50 per boot.
Lending items -£2.
Forgetting or not wearing the ‘worst trainer’ kit -£5.
Incorrect training kit -£2 an item.
Missing a penalty -£5 including penalty shootouts.
Losing a home game -£4 per player.
Missing a training session -£5.