THE INANE RAMBLINGS FROM UP NORFF
‘NOWT SO QUEER AS YORKSHIRE FOLK’
BY KAREN BROWNE
The Views Expressed Are Solely My Own, Are Written Tongue In Cheek
And Should Be Taken With A Pinch Of Salt
With hundreds of turkeys in the USA looking to book their holidays this week, the crisp Autumnal weather turns it thoughts to that dreaded word of snow life continues in the land of Spartan South Midlands League football.
Clean Slate finally break their duck egg points tally after having their initial win wiped out following the resignation of Tring Corinthians AFC. Bovingdon booked a Divisional Cup semi-final place in their debut SSML season and an up and coming young SSML referee made his debut on the line at Edgware Town having a good game by all accounts. The 31 games seeing 129 goals (an average of 4.16 per game). Kieran Doughty (Pitstone & Ivinghoe) and Luke Lindsay (Stotfold U25) weighed in with hat-tricks.
17 November Stats: 31 games played of which 16 were home wins, 12 were away wins and 3 were draws.
(Most League Wins – all Divisions): 13 Biggleswade FC, Tring Athletic, 12 Hadley, Hillingdon Borough, 11 Arlesey Town, Harefield United, Broadfields United.
(Most League Draws – all Divisions): 7 Leighton Town, Edgware Town, 4 Colney Heath, Wembley, Oxhey Jets, Cockfosters, Crawley Green, Stotfold.
(Most League Defeats – all Divisions): 13 Hatfield Town, 12 Stotfold, 10 Harpenden Town, Wembley, Risborough Rangers, Brimsdown, Codicote.
Average Saturday Goals: 4.10 (2072 goals from 505 games).
(Division One League): Harefield United.
(U25 Development Division League): Berkhamsted Development.
Without a Win:
(Premier Division League): Stotfold.
Most Goals Scored:
(Premier Division League): 48 Biggleswade FC.
(Division One League): 56 Enfield Borough.
(Division Two League): 31 Bovingdon.
(U25 Development Division League): 26 Berkhamsted Development.
Most Goals Conceded:
(Premier Division League): 45 Stotfold.
(Division One League): 60 Hatfield Town.
(Division Two League): 43 Clean Slate.
(U25 Development Division League): 27 Harpenden Town Development.
Fewest Goals Conceded:
(Premier Division League): 12 Tring Athletic.
(Division One League): 10 Harefield United.
(Division Two League): 5 Old Bradwell United.
(U25 Development Division League): 4 Holmer Green Development U25.
Fewest Goals Scored:
(Premier Division League): 14 Stotfold.
(Division One League): 15 Hatfield Town.
(Division Two League): 9 Clean Slate.
(U25 Development Division League): 3 Holmer Green Development U25.
Saturday’s Highest Attendances: 139 Arlesey Town v Cockfosters, 108 Biggleswade United v Leighton Town and 89 Colney Heath v Potton United.
Season’s Highest Attendances to date (Premier Division Clubs): 211 Baldock Town v Arlesey Town, 203 Biggleswade FC v Biggleswade United and 202 Tring Athletic v Berkhamsted (FA Cup).
Season’s Highest Attendances to date (Division One Clubs): 351 Winslow United v Easington Sports (FA Cup), 257 Harefield United v Winslow United and 177 Buckingham Athletic v Winslow United.
Season’s Highest Attendances to date (Division Two Clubs): 101 Aston Clinton v Pitstone & Ivinghoe, 92 Bovingdon v Old Bradwell United and 90 Bovingdon v Sarratt.
Season’s Leading Goalscorers to date (Premier Division Clubs): 16 Jonathan Lacey (Leverstock Green) Alex Marsh (Biggleswade FC) 15 Ashton Campbell (Tring Athletic), Kieran Turner (Tring Athletic), Tom Coles (Biggleswade FC), 14 Lorrell Smith (Arlesey Town).
Season’s Leading Goalscorers to date (Division One Clubs): 18 Tage Kennedy (Enfield Borough) 17 Harry Dalton (Winslow United) 16 Leonard Farhall (Harefield United).
Season’s Leading Goalscorers to date (Division Two Clubs): 20 Nathan Skelton (Mursley United) 14 Joshua Smith (MK Gallacticos) 12 Albie Hall (Pitstone & Ivinghoe).
Saturday 17th November
Tring Athletic and Biggleswade FC continue to rule the roost in the Premier Division as both recorded wins on Saturday, leaders Tring Athletic winning 3-0 at London Colney whilst Biggleswade FC secured a 4-1 home success over lowly Harpenden Town. Hadley and Arlesey Town head the chasing pack, Hadley coming from a goal behind at the break to win 2-1 at relegation threatened Wembley while on front of the day’s biggest crowd (139) Arlesey Town also overturned a half time deficit at home to defeat another of the relegation threatened clubs Cockfosters 3-1. Life at the bottom is often cruel as Stotfold found out again when conceding a late winner to lose by the odd goal in five at Edgware Town. A old favourite of the SSML returned on Saturday, this time in the colours of North Greenford United FC, however prolific striker Lewis Putman failed to get on the scoresheet as his new club suffered a 2-3 home defeat against Leverstock Green, the winner coming in the eighth minute of stoppage time. The day’s biggest Premier Division winners were Oxhey Jets, fresh from their week off following their special Remembrance game last week they overcame visiting London Tigers 5-0. Biggleswade United made it six league games without defeat as they continue their climb up the table with a 3-0 home success over Leighton Town, a result that lifted the hosts into sixth place. Elsewhere Potton United won 2-1 at Colney Heath and Crawley Green and Baldock Town battled out a 1-1 draw. Full results and goalscorers (where known) are listed below.
3-1 Arlesey Town v Cockfosters (Opposition Own Goal, O’Brien, Lamond) / (Beattie) Attendance: 139
4-1 Biggleswade FC v Harpenden Town (A Marsh [pen], Richardson, Cookman, R Inskip) / (Stewart) Attendance: 86
3-0 Biggleswade United v Leighton Town (Andrews, Parkinson, Williams) Attendance: 108
1-2 Colney Heath v Potton United (Shaw) / (Danobrega, Ansell-Carter) Attendance: 89
1-1 Crawley Green v Baldock Town (Lobjoit) / (Robertson) Attendance: 54
3-2 Edgware Town v Stotfold (Hunte , Doyle) / (Barker, Da Silva) Attendance: 66
0-3 London Colney v Tring Athletic (Campbell , Riddick) Attendance: 61
2-3 North Greenford United FC v Leverstock Green (McLeish ) / (Flanagan, Smith, Witham) Attendance: 58
5-0 Oxhey Jets v London Tigers (Brennan, Kerley, Giordmaina, Payne, Lawford) Attendance: 33
1-2 Wembley v Hadley (Unknown) / (Hammond, Wright [pen]) Attendance: 55
It’s a case of deja-vu at the top of Division One, the top three sides all recording victories, leaders Harefield United edging out Wodson Park by the odd goal in three at Preston Park. Broadfields United grinding out a 1-0 win at Bedford thanks to a first half header from Harry Henley. Hillingdon Borough finding the target five times as they saw off visiting Brimsdown 5-2. At the foot of the table the bottom two met as Amersham Town hosted Hatfield Town, going into the game the hosts had a three point advantage and this was to double as they ran out 6-1 winners. Codicote slipped back into the bottom two as their trip to Enfield Borough saw the hosts rediscover their shooting boots to come out on top by winning 6-3. Risborough Rangers picked up three much needed points with an odd goal in five win at Buckingham Athletic. Two first half Rob Hastings goals brought about a 2-0 win for Rayners Lane at FC Broxbourne Borough while the North Beds ‘derby’ saw Langford edge out Ampthill Town by the odd goal in three. The day’s other action saw a solitary goal success for Buckingham Town over visiting London Lions. Full results and goalscorers (where known) are listed below.
6-1 Amersham Town v Hatfield Town (Squires-Adams , Henry, Mann, Mongston, Unknown) / (Unknown) Attendance: 19
0-1 Bedford v Broadfields United (Henley) Attendance: 20
2-3 Buckingham Athletic v Risborough Rangers (Bines, Stimpson) / (McLachlan, Pykett, Woodfine) Attendance: 75
1-0 Buckingham Town v London Lions (Gardner) Attendance: 40
6-3 Enfield Borough v Codicote (Browne , Bangura, Kennedy, Sesay, Opposition Own Goal) / (Bennett , Arnott) Attendance: 22
0-2 FC Broxbourne Borough v Rayners Lane (R Hastings ) Attendance: 26
2-1 Harefield United v Wodson Park (Baldwin, Farhall) / (Handy) Attendance: 62
5-2 Hillingdon Borough v Brimsdown (Unknown) / (Nalbant, Saywood) Attendance: 30
2-1 Langford v Ampthill Town (Morris ) / (Unknown) Attendance: 44
DIVISION TWO CUP Quarter Final
Hosts Bovingdon swept aside the challenge of Grendon Rangers 7-1 to earn themselves a home semi-final date with either Sarratt or Aston Clinton. Full result and goalscorers (where known) listed below.
7-1 Bovingdon v Grendon Rangers (Unknown) / (Janecki) Attendance: Unknown
Bottom club Clean Slate recorded their first points of the campaign with a thrilling 4-3 success against their visitors The 61FC (Luton). At the top of the table Berkhamsted Raiders moved level on points with Bovingdon as they saw off the challenge of visitors Totternhoe by a 3-0 scoreline. Pitstone & Ivinghoe moved up to third win an emphatic 7-0 win over Unite MK replacing Mursley United who went down 0-4 at home to the current team in form Old Bradwell United. The day’s other fixture saw a goalless draw between New Bradwell St Peter FC and MK Gallacticos. Full results and goalscorers (where known) listed below.
3-0 Berkhamsted Raiders v Totternhoe (McMahon, Ibarra, Brookes) Attendance: 45
4-3 Clean Slate v The 61FC (Luton) (Unknown) / (Unknown) Attendance: 10
0-4 Mursley United v Old Bradwell United (Darryl Smith  [1 pen], Valentine, Green) Attendance: Unknown
0-0 New Bradwell St Peter v MK Gallacticos Attendance: 36
7-0 Pitstone & Ivinghoe v Unite MK (Doughty , Aquila, Hall, Mellor, Reynolds) Attendance: 30
ANAGRAM RECORDS TROPHY Second Round
Sarratt’s hopes of a quarter-final place were dashed when beaten 0-3 at home against Essex Olympian League side FC Hamlets. Full result and goalscorers listed below.
0-3 Sarratt v FC Hamlets (Saidy, Heatley, Sango-Ishmael) Attendance: 30
DEVELOPMENT DIVISION CHALLENGE TROPHY First Round Second Leg
Biggleswade United U23 booked a quarter-final tie with Berkhamsted Development after drawing 2-2 at Holmer Green Development U25 to progress 4-3 on aggregate. Full result and goalscorers (where known) listed below.
2-2 Holmer Green Development U25 v Biggleswade United U23 (Biggleswade United U23 win 4-3 on aggregate) (Unknown) / (Agyemang, Alleyne) Attendance: Unknown
UNDER 25 DEVELOPMENT DIVISION
Table toppers Berkhamsted Development remain unbeaten after a solitary goal win at Leighton Town Development while Buckingham Athletic Development kept up the pressure with a 4-2 success at Harpenden Town Development. Stotfold U25 hauled themselves off the bottom with a 5-2 win over visiting Ampthill Town Development. The day’s other game saw Kempston Rovers Development retain third spot following their 2-1 success at AFC Dunstable U21. Full results and goalscorers (where known) listed below.
1-2 AFC Dunstable U21 v Kempston Rovers Development (Unknown) / (Bakogeorge, Moscaritolo) Attendance: Unknown
2-4 Harpenden Town Development v Buckingham Athletic Development (Branch ) / (Heritage, McAndrew, Parr, Willis) Attendance: Unknown
0-1 Leighton Town Development v Berkhamsted Development (Unknown) Attendance: Unknown
5-2 Stotfold U25 v Ampthill Town Development (Lindsay , McEvoy, Mosley) / (Unknown) Attendance: Unknown
Every team has them, I talking excuses for failing performances and results, poor pitches, bad referees, a striker that couldn’t hit a barn door with a shovel or a goalkeeper who is frightened of more crosses than Dracula. However in the world of darts they have managed to come up with a new one ………………….. farting
Yet that’s exactly what happened at the Grand Slam of Darts in Wolverhampton, with both Gary Anderson and Wesley Harms denying responsibility for the “rotten egg smells”.
Two-time world champion Anderson, 47, won Thursday’s match 10-2 to progress to the quarter-finals, but Dutchman Harms, 34, was quick to explain his sub-standard performance by accusing his Scottish opponent of leaving a “fragrant smell”.
He told Dutch TV station RTL7L: “It’ll take me two nights to lose this smell from my nose.”
World number four Anderson was not best pleased by the accusation, saying the smell had definitely come “from the table side” at the Aldersley Leisure Village.
“If the boy thinks I’ve farted he’s 1,010% wrong,” he told The Sun. “I swear on my children’s lives that it was not my fault. I had a bad stomach once on stage before and admitted it. So I’m not going to lie about farting on stage. Every time I walked past there was a waft of rotten eggs so that’s why I was thinking it was him. It was bad. It was a stink, then he started to play better and I thought he must have needed to get some wind out”.
Remember to tune into Three Counties Radio (Herts, Beds & Bucks) and a show all about local non-league football- The show is live every Monday evening from 7.00pm – 8.00pm and is the perfect opportunity to catch up with our local non-league scene at all levels. Both presenters of the show are on twitter, and to follow what’s coming up in the next show make sure you give them a follow, Ollie Bayliss is @Ollie_Bayliss and Luke Ashmead is @Ashmead72